Long Covid life

Stopping hiding and starting a blog

I have had Long Covid for 6 months and it’s shit. I have fatigue and headaches most days. I couldn’t finish my masters, I can’t work, I have had to move home to an area where I don’t know many people. Last year, I realised I loved writing and started writing various pieces for the uni newspaper. I was hoping to continue this but any plans have been messed up by Covid. So here I am, writing this blog, to get used to it again hopefully in a way that feels exciting and doesn’t drain me too much! I have been putting it off for WEEKS for whatever reason; ‘I don’t have anything to write about’, ‘No one will read it anyway’, etc etc. And then today I saw a post on instagram by @molefrances saying “Go write your book. Go make your art. Go tell the person you love them. Stop hiding because you are afraid you’re not ready. Just start.” It is harder for me to do things at the moment, but there are times when I can - so why am I hiding?

I also started writing poems last year after going to a poetry workshop, not that I have ANY clue how to write them or what’s good or not. But it doesn’t really matter - I like doing it. So thought I would share one, which I think counts as a poem and is related to what I’m experiencing at the moment.

Having long Covid is isolating. It’s isolating in that it’s harder to have the energy to go out and meet people, and risky to go to ‘normal’ social situations in case you catch Covid or another illness. But it’s also so isolating in that you feel like no one cares about you, with some people barely even believing what you are experiencing, and not even being willing to put in the bare minimum effort (wearing masks, doing lateral flows, avoiding you when ill) to help protect you. I can either continue to isolate myself or throw myself into the world where Covid no longer exists!! Except it does, and I would likely get Covid again and become even more severely ill and be able to do less than I currently can.

People can carry on ignoring Covid, but it’s still out there disabling and killing people. Evidence is starting to show the more you get it, the higher your likelihood of long Covid and complications. So wear the mask and if you are ill - do the lateral flows and avoid people. Disabled and immunocompromised people have been left behind by society. For example, people with ME/ CFS have been ignored for years, with minimal research being done and harmful treatments being advised.

I am coming out of a period of anxiety and low mood. I am grateful for life. For the people who have been there for me, believed me and helped me. I’m grateful for TV shows which have kept me looking forward to the next hour, the next day. I am grateful for books and my trips to the local library. The times where I have had enough energy to dance around the kitchen to my fave songs. I am grateful to have enough energy to write this, to go on walks, to still do some activities. I don’t know what I am going to do with this blog, how often I will post or what I will write about, but I have stopped hiding and done it!

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